I DON"T GET IT?

So I really don't get it sometimes.  As a person trying to help another to quit smoking, I do not get the loss of motivation sometimes.  I understand the cravings, the withdrawal, the effort needed, etc but I do NOT understand the sloppiness!
She is not sloppy with her hygiene..must be leaned, flossed and groomed at all times!

She is not sloppy with her hair...god forbid she go too long without a hair cut...
She is not sloppy with her clothing.
She is not sloppy in the way she cooks or cleans...all things in order...
She is not sloppy in her parenting...years of time money and energy to become the best...
She is not sloppy in how she keeps house.
She is not sloppy with her relationships with others.
She is not sloppy with keeping her car clean..in fact she is really concerned about that most of the time and yet her lungs ...no problem ...goals to quit smoking....ahhh to hell with it ...no real good reason just sometimes is sloppy and careless about it...just go ahead and smoke ..forget about the filth in the lungs or all the efforts around to help...so what.....just keep smoking when you feel like it!

Though she has said..i dont feel challenges enough??? what?
also that she just wants to stop and never smoke again..oh that would be easy???
But to make the effort consistently??? too much trouble???

Sorry..helpers and people who love smokers get frustrated too!

Breaking behavioral habits

breaking old behavioral habits can be very hard...especially when you have done them for 30 + years or so.  if you need tools then you must brainstorm and figure out what might help.  first figure out your road blocks...then consider options that might help.

my friend realized that weekends and having drinks (alcohol) are the direct cause of a more relaxed attitude and therefore a little slacking on her efforts...also the automatic pilot kicks in.  Meaning that on her deck relaxed after a long hard week around smoking friends and husband ...she tends to lose focus and treats herself with as much nicotine as she carelessly and unconsciously wants.????

So instead of cigs we decided to try having a fake cig...and cigars for now in her cig pack by friday at happy hour..so that it will be a reminder and an alternative to those death sticks available...

Also we decided to get something to hold in her hand like a stress stone to rub and keep her hands busy...

Also being at least a bit more conscientious about how much intake of alcohol will helpful...duh( for many reasons)
Psychological preparedness is critical as always...the psychological aspect will include specific self talk...
"I might be tipsy but i am NOT dumb!",
"I do not have to smoke when others do becuse I am choosing health and I can quit smoking",
"I will not lose sight of my goals",
"I can enjoy a drink but NOT a cig..eewww they are the enemy and disgusting"   etc etc...finding what wording works is important!

do it!

Negativity ..or opportunity?

When you get negative PLEASE remember what you have already accomplished!
Remember your positive self talk and all the other things in life you have learned to do or accomplished.  
Remember the big picture and the long term goals.  If you have smoked for 30 years or however long, please give yourself a break and recognize you might need a little time to accomplish this goal to break your habits and over come this addiction.
PATIENCE please... this is an opportunity to develop patience as a virtue yourself.

What is not working

Having bad days??? you need to figure out why? Is it who you are with, where you are, or your thoughts or lack of commitment?

Feeling like you go backward at times??? it's ok.  This is to be expected.  However, the idea is to give serious thought to why you have days when you do not count out your cigs, lose count throughout the day, smoke more when at work, smoke more when in your car, smoke more when you are around others who smoke, or seem to automatically (without the thought of your commitment to quit) go out to take a smoke break?

Is there some other problem you seem to be having?  Are you not staying focused each and every day ..all day? if not then we need to figure out how to keep you focused!

Bottom line...a slight set back is OK from time to time, but if you are having a pattern of screwups with your goals then you need to take a closer look at the problem.

Committed?  really?  what are you thinking when you make the decision to light up?
We need to figure out what you need to think in order to STOP the problematic behavior of screwing up your goal to quit and for now reduce the intake of nicotine!

THINK about it. 

Those darn witdrawal symptoms

Yes if you are reducing your intake, you WILL have discomfort or unpleasant irritating withdrawal symptoms...
How spoiled are we that we cannot withstand a little unpleasantness????
Come on..these symptoms are telling you about your addiction.  These symptoms are telling you that your body is working very hard to adjust to a lower level of nicotine among other adjustment to not having those lethal chemicals in your bloodstream...that is all!
Turn the thoughts you are having about how TERRIBLE those symptoms are and think about working with your poor body and help it adjust to this ordeal of quitting.  If you give in and smoke you are going backward...so please for your bodies sake cause it is getting really tired of so much abuse (and all the other reasons)...
toughen up and think positive about what is going on while you have urges, craving, anxiety, jitters, irritability, etc etc...come on! you CAN do this!

It is likely that someone you know has died from smoking or a related illness

Since it is  likely that someone you know has died from smoking or a related illness, use the thought of tat person or their dying and death as a mental reminder that you are committed to quit smoking.  Use the death as a reminder that you are choosing not to have the same destiny.  You can make their death have purpose and that can be to help you quit this nasty harmful addiction, during moments of urges and desire to inhale once again.
In our case it was aunt Joyce.  Aunt Joyce was my friend's father's sister. She was quite a character.  She was loved. 
Remember aunt Joyce and the suffering she endured at an age long before her natural time was up.  Remember others who have not quit and succumbed to the same! NOT YOU!

Physiological symptoms

In order to simplify of smoking cessation plan we have broken the aspects of concern onto three (3) categories.

Physiological, Cognitive, and Behavioral.

Though each of these areas can present challenges.  It seems physiological is the most difficult at least for my friend.

Cognitive aspects of quitting include but are not limited to positive thinking, responding to those asking about your efforts to quit with a positive response, reminding yourself of all the reasons for quitting (avoiding death and illness, etc.), learning all the newest research and info about smoking, reminding self of benefits for quitting, thinking about how nasty cigarettes are regarding smell, taste, chemicals,etc, reminding yourself that you are only smoking because you have not yet quit and physically still crave strongly, you are working on your plan,  you have improved by reducing your intake, you are addicted but quitting will not kill you, you can tolerate the unpleasant symptoms of quitting because it will be so worth it, etc

Behavioral are taking precautions of and during danger zones, like being around other smokers, drinking, when driving,etc..., and making behavioral changes to avoid additional smoking or lighting up at all, talking with those around you to explain your need for changes and ask for their support, ( see positive sandwiches blog regarding what and how to talk about smoking)...put notes by ash trays to remind you, take a short walk instead of a cig break, count out in the morning and only take ten ( or whatever number you're on) cigs with you for the day, etc...

Physiological - UGH...basically your body craves them. you need them and are a slave to them. Once you pass a certain amount of time the symptoms begin...irritability, jittery, anxiety, etc there are tons of symptoms that you can identify with yourself..but you know the feeling...

this is when it is crucial to utilize your cognitive and behavioral skills and push as long as you can to avoid the next cig...

once you have reduced # of cigs your body will adjust to that much nicotine and then your craving and urges will become farther apart in time and less intense...the cycle of undoing has begun....your body will work with you and begin to heal and not need these chemicals.  It does require planning, proactive planning, consistency, ongoing conscious effort, and it needs to be a priority every day.

Ultimately once you have reduced to a very low number per day, my friends goal is like four (4) cigs per day and have maintained that for at least two (2) weeks maybe longer...go to the docs if necessary and get the medical help like gum or a patch etc..( see another blog for all options)

THEN TOUCHE!

Put the cigs down and NEVER pick one up again!

Make an agreement /commitment regarding times to smoke

After discussing a few road blocks regarding the plan to reduce the number of cigarettes to smoke daily, we decided to try listing the times during the day that my friend can smoke a cigarette and still keep her within the agreed upon range for number of cigarettes per day.

Remember the idea with our plan is to reduce the intake of the nicotine since that is the most addictive chemical in cigarette smoke.

She started at 20 on average per day and is now smoking around 10 per day.  However, since meeting weekly and discussing this plan it turns out that this is not necessarily being done on a regular basis.  Hence the reason we are discussing it further.  Smoking cessation has not been a primary focus  throughout each day every day.

So each day in order to stay within the agreed upon range she can smoke cigarettes at the following approximate times:

1 nasty cigarette - Upon awakening with her coffee - Yuk!    6:30 - 7 a.m.

1 cancer stick -  While driving to work ( a very long drive)    8 a.m.

1 - dose of nicotine rolled up - mid morning break -  10:30 ish

1 - After lunch  - 1p.m.

1- Mid afternoon  - 2:30 p.m.

1- On the way home - 4:30 ish

1 - After dinner - 7 p.m.

1 - mid evening - 8:30 p.m.

1 before bed  - 10:00 p.m.

These are the goal times.  The goal is to smoke no more than 10 cigs per day.  However, we are setting reasonable and doable goals again in order to reduce the nicotine intake.  The goal is 8-10 cigs perday.

Please keep tuned in for all the other aspects we have discussed and are working on in order to figure out all the helpful behaviors, thinking, and  physical changes she must make so she can quit!

Each plan to quit for each person will have a few general goals ( i.e. - reduction or elimination of cigs) and conditions however everyone is unique and we are attempting to find out what works for my friend but along the way there will be ideas that might work for you as well.

good luck and stay positive...YOU CAN DO THIS!