So I had this nightmare last night. My friend and I were sitting and talking and she lit a cigarette. She told me that she had been lying to me over the past few weeks and that she had not really been quitting smoking. She said that she was not going to quit. She said that she liked smoking and it would be too hard to quit so she didn't care about anything else.
I started crying and I asked her why she lied. She said that smoking made her happy and feel good. She shrugged her shoulders and said "so lets just leave it alone." I was quiet. She said "sorry" as if it all meant very little and turned her head to look in another direction.
It was all very vivid and very real. Then I just looked at her and she began to cry. She looked in my eyes as tears rolled down her face. There were no words just absolute sadness and defeat. She started getting smaller. The whites of her eyes turned yellowish gray as if she was 20...maybe 30 years years older. We continued to look at one another as the smoke was coming out of her nose, mouth, ears, and eyes....her skin began to wrinkle and she struggled for breath yet sucked once again on the death stick. As she blow out the smoke a few teeth fell into her lap...I tried to pick them up but I began to cry harder and could not find them. I then tried to reached for her but she was wilting like and beautiful flower that had been poisoned. She was too fragile to even touch. As tears streamed down her face..she just looked at me and said "sorry".
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
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