Not a word

So my friend is still smoking.  Birthday just under 2 months away and not a word not a syllable.  No doctors appointment nothing.  just as if all is good!??????

Update on my friends efforts

So my last post was on June 8 when I realized that though many efforts have been made my friend was not ready or committed to quitting smoking.

I am now updating this blog to let everyone know of the status.

I am extremely sad and disappointed as well as I am sure many others especially her youngest daughter to report that my friend has decided she needs a few more months of self destruction and inhaling these known harmful cancer sticks.  She needs them apparently.

Our goal was to reduce harm and reduce intake of nicotine in small steps until she reached a low level of smoking and then get a patch or other assistance for the final cessation.  The reasoning was that all other factors: habitual behavior, social factors, psychological factors and physical factors would be at a minimum by her own ability to manage her addiction..then without question all would have been in place to ensure the ability to quit altogether. 

I have been very busy and have waited about a month but wanted to be sure others can know and understand our demise.  I have worked very hard to try to figure all that could help her stay motivated but the cigarettes have won. 

I am not sure what I can do to help any longer, I do not have a positive feeling regarding the possibility of her quitting.  If she was not able to stay motivated or even reach small goals during all these efforts and support I believe it will only be harder after a few more months or who knows how long.

Maybe meds from the doc will make it easier as she now is claiming she needs...and that is what will have to happen first ?  I hope so very much ...

I am now faced with the decision of how to respond.  This is a heavy burden because I feel VERY strongly not to be with others who choose to harm themselves intentionally.  I do not like or want to be around peole who smoke and definitely not while they smoke.  It is sad and scary for me not to mention absolutely disgusting and humiliating.

I do not want to see it, smell, be near it or even know about it... I WILL not be with my friend while she is smoking as I made very clear back in February 2010 at least not with out a plan and efforts to achieve the goal.

I will hope that one day other people, activities, things in life and LIFE will one day mean more to her and she will stop.  Hopefully it will not be too late!

meeting tonight?

Helpers have frustration tolerance issues too.  Helpers in order to truly help should only work as hard as those who are quitting work to quit!

So though I have been meeting weekly with my friend who says she is trying to quit...i felt that I was working harder and being more conscientious then she was...evidenced by 3 + months of talking about the first goal to smoke no more than 10 cigs per day to no avail...not once could she make 7 days straight with only 7 cigs...with no good reasons, just a little sloppy, careless, lack of focus mostly on the weekends????

so...

i made the decision to withdraw my help for now and not meet again until this goal is reached!

2 hours or more

you must be sure to smoke only when you physiologically must smoke!!!!  Though this plan is to reduce to a set number of cigarettes a day..that does not mean you need to smoke that total number of cancer sticks...

if the goal is 10 but you spread them apart either by specific 2 hour intervals or by physiological need and only then smoke  8...then great!!!!

you should NOT be squeezing in an extra cig at 7 pm because you have not smoked them all ?????
who fooling who here? whats being accomplished????

if attempting to decrease intake of nicotine..the idea is to stretch the self destructive behavior as far apart as possible...

if you set specific time frames you WILL smoke less...you will feel your body experiencing withdrawal symptoms...these mildly unpleasant symptoms are a positive indication that your body is trying to help you adjust to a lower level of nicotine...work with your poor body as hard as it is working for you to be healthy!

keep increasing your time intervals and you WILL smoke less. however remember to only smoke when you physically NEED to smoke to minimize withdrawal symptoms...

your reduced levels of nicotine will decrease the withdrawal naturally and increase interval times before withdrawal symptoms occur....

great now do it!

Automatic pilot

Smoking and taking those so ever loved smoke breaks become habitual.  Yup...30 years of 20 cigs a day will become an automatic thing ...so what to do??
well if you really want to quit smoking...breaking this habit, just like any habit, will require making changes in behavior...changing what you do first.  you will also have to make changes in awareness..meaning that you must find ways to remain conscientious of your smoking cessation goals at all times throughout the day!
Some behavioral ideas could include:

• keeping cigarettes in a different place than you usually do so that retrieving them to go for a smoke break will require more thought and effort
• only smoking in places that are unfamiliar or at least not your usual places 
• not smoking when on the cell phone or in the car at all which are common problem areas of habit.
• find replacements for hand occupation, like fake cigs or chewing something...
• remove ash trays
• put up reminder signs

Cognitive efforts could include:

• positive thinking regarding this positive change you are trying to make
• reminding self hourly that you are committed to quitting and you do NOT want to smoke
• associating reminders with with regular hygiene...flossing, brushing teeth, washing hands...etc 
• tell yourself you are removing the discoloring and odor of the cancerous smoke from your teeth and fingers!
• remind yourself of the negative health risks hourly or at meals

The idea is to spend time figuring out what you can do to make smoking as inconvenience or as unpleasant as possible...you are trying to be more conscious how much you smoke and how often you are taking time to harm yourself.   Unpleasant habits will be broken easier than pleasurable habits...

do them all ! find more ways that work for you to stop this terrible habit!

I DON"T GET IT?

So I really don't get it sometimes.  As a person trying to help another to quit smoking, I do not get the loss of motivation sometimes.  I understand the cravings, the withdrawal, the effort needed, etc but I do NOT understand the sloppiness!
She is not sloppy with her hygiene..must be leaned, flossed and groomed at all times!

She is not sloppy with her hair...god forbid she go too long without a hair cut...
She is not sloppy with her clothing.
She is not sloppy in the way she cooks or cleans...all things in order...
She is not sloppy in her parenting...years of time money and energy to become the best...
She is not sloppy in how she keeps house.
She is not sloppy with her relationships with others.
She is not sloppy with keeping her car clean..in fact she is really concerned about that most of the time and yet her lungs ...no problem ...goals to quit smoking....ahhh to hell with it ...no real good reason just sometimes is sloppy and careless about it...just go ahead and smoke ..forget about the filth in the lungs or all the efforts around to help...so what.....just keep smoking when you feel like it!

Though she has said..i dont feel challenges enough??? what?
also that she just wants to stop and never smoke again..oh that would be easy???
But to make the effort consistently??? too much trouble???

Sorry..helpers and people who love smokers get frustrated too!

Breaking behavioral habits

breaking old behavioral habits can be very hard...especially when you have done them for 30 + years or so.  if you need tools then you must brainstorm and figure out what might help.  first figure out your road blocks...then consider options that might help.

my friend realized that weekends and having drinks (alcohol) are the direct cause of a more relaxed attitude and therefore a little slacking on her efforts...also the automatic pilot kicks in.  Meaning that on her deck relaxed after a long hard week around smoking friends and husband ...she tends to lose focus and treats herself with as much nicotine as she carelessly and unconsciously wants.????

So instead of cigs we decided to try having a fake cig...and cigars for now in her cig pack by friday at happy hour..so that it will be a reminder and an alternative to those death sticks available...

Also we decided to get something to hold in her hand like a stress stone to rub and keep her hands busy...

Also being at least a bit more conscientious about how much intake of alcohol will helpful...duh( for many reasons)
Psychological preparedness is critical as always...the psychological aspect will include specific self talk...
"I might be tipsy but i am NOT dumb!",
"I do not have to smoke when others do becuse I am choosing health and I can quit smoking",
"I will not lose sight of my goals",
"I can enjoy a drink but NOT a cig..eewww they are the enemy and disgusting"   etc etc...finding what wording works is important!

do it!